-Communication-

Recently I have been thinking. Do I have close friends? Why do I feel lonely sometimes? Why I feel my life is kinda empty sometimes? When people ask me, what do you usually do? My answer has always been short and simple. Work + Gym + Internet. So, how often you go out with friends? What about your bf?

Yesterday I went out with friends, I have to say, within these two years in Sydney, I can actually count the number of time I go out with friends in Sydney using my 10 fingers + 10 toes. Pathetic? I think is not pathetic, it serve me right. This is because I am not caring enough to my friends. This is because I am not sharing my feeling, my thought with friends. This is because I don’t know how to communicate with friends.

People send regards messages to friends who are sick, people send all the best messages to friends who are leaving, people send congratulation messages to friends who are getting married, birthday, graduation, babies etc. But lets think about this, how many times I have actually send a regard to one of my friends?

People talk about their problem with close friends. But have I ever talk to anybody thoughtfully? Yes, I always complain, to everyone. So, I guess I should ask, has anybody actually discuss their thought, and share their problem with me? No, not really. I do have friends that might talk through with me about their life once in awhile. But honestly, is there anybody that actually regularly chat, hang out together with me? Nope. Certainly not. Is that because I am too busy? Is that because I stay in a place where nobody stay? Is it because I lazy to go out at night? Is it because I just don’t want to go out? To be honest, I really think is my issue.

Yesterday dinner was great. I enjoy the time with Charmaine and Jenny. They are very open, friendly, humor, and nice to me. They accept me as their friends, they invite me out, they go out with me, they talk to me, they wanted to know more about me etc. The time they willing to spend with me really make me feel very good and accepted. But I don’t think I know how to express myself well. I went back and I keep thinking the words I say might be offensive but I wasn’t aware. I don’t know how to talk in a “normal” way like how friends talk.

Is true what my elder bro said to me when I was young, “one day, you will get beat up by somebody because of the way you say things! You know, you never use brain when you talk!”